5 Secrets of My Happiness

Happiness for you may not be happiness for me. Your happiness can only be achieved by you.

For years I wondered what true happiness felt like, and I tried to find it in all the wrong places. I searched for it in men, friends, education, material things, and even in church. The things I acquired and accomplished brought me joy, but not happiness. When I had everything I searched for and still wasn't happy, I became uneasy. I thought for sure that there was no way I would ever be completely happy. An ex-boyfriend once told me that happiness was never for long with me. Damn, that one hit hard, but it was the truth. I always found a way to mess up something that was going well, by uttering something unpleasant or sad. The turmoil that resided in me often came to the surface. My pretty little face changed to someone who seemed possessed with past pain. After a while, I became weary of my own behavior, and I started working on myself. I knew I had to take charge of my own mental well-being. Consequently, I became conscious of the things I needed to change to acquire my desired emotion. According to one of my biggest mentors, happiness is...

Here are 5 things that helped me find happiness. This is unique to me, but it may also help you take the necessary steps toward your own happiness. Remember, you are in control of your emotions, unless you are diagnosed with some kind of mental illness such as bipolar or severe depression.

1. Forgiveness - I had too much stuff bottled up inside me to even appreciate the things around me. The first thing I did was forgave myself for the mistakes I made and rid myself of the guilt and shame I carried. It just didn't make sense to continue beating up on myself year after year, crying at alters, throwing pity parties, or blaming others for my position in life. The baggage was just too heavy to carry, so I had to put it down. Then I slowly learned how to forgive those who hurt me, both intentionally and unintentionally. What good does it do to harbor bad energy and emotions because of people who didn't care enough not to hurt you? 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ Also, what sense does it make to stay upset after someone apologized? Even if they don't apologize but you realize it was unintentional, it makes sense to move on from it.AHHHHHH !!!!! What a relief. 😌 Recently I received a call from someone who hurt me when I was a teenager. The hurt was intentional, yet immature. While there is no excuse for what he did to me, he was also a teen. Maybe that was his worst mistake, I don't know if he even remembers what he did. I carried it for years, but when he called and asked me for a favor, I didn't get upset, I granted his request, pondered on it a little, and moved on.. 😊😊

2. Self Acceptance - This was one of the hardest things to do. How do I be myself with all my flaws and still get people to like me? How do I get rid of the ghetto in me to fit in with the "other folks" and still fit in with my friends from the ghetto? Do I laugh a little too loud? Am I too talkative? Should I not be so outspoken? I realized soon enough that I can't be everything to everyone. In the end, I changed what needed to be changed and held on to the rest. I am who I am. Not everyone will like me, and that is okay. I liked me, and that's all that mattered. Oh, and my kids think I'm nuts, but they love me unconditionally. So, does it really matter who likes you if the most important people do? I think not.

3. Positive Thinking - This is pretty simple; your outer world reflects your inner world. When you lift your spirits to a place where happiness resides, you automatically become happy, even when things around you seem upside down. Good things happen when you feel good...well not all the time, because life still happens. However, the bottom line is, life's challenges become easier to handle from a happy place. That place starts with your thoughts.

I remember when I was always on the edge waiting for something unpleasant to happen to me. I thought something bad was always happening. Although I tried hard to create a good life for myself and my children, I still expected those things to come. Guess what? They did. When they did happen as expected, I still wondered why they happened, and it took months to snap out of it. Once I broke away from those thoughts, things became much easier to navigate. With happiness in mind, I knew things could go wrong some of the time, but I focused on the good positive things around me and took whatever lessons came with life's mysteries. The mind is everything, what you think, you actually feel.

4. Giving - Nothing brings me more joy than to put a smile on someone's face. I enjoy giving and making others feel good about themselves (It wasn't always this way). I have dedicated both my books to the Women's Centre of Jamaica, and recently I vowed to give scholarships to two teen moms who have decided to further their education after the baby. As the universe would have it, I made a pledge, and it was matched by my boss. God is truly amazing. Yes, I do believe that there is a God, I just don't like religion. Anyway, I have proven over and over that the more I give, is the more I receive. What will you give today? Pay it forward if you can.

5. Do What’s Best For Me - The one thing I have learned to do is to do what is best for me. For so long I made decisions based on other people’s opinions, emotions, or well-being. In the process, I robbed myself of the opportunity to be, do, have, and receive. I remember wanting to travel but felt guilty to go without my kids because I couldn’t afford to take them. Well, guess what? They are grown and traveling on their own to places I only dreamed of.

Friends will ask me to do something with them and I do it because I don’t want them to feel bad if I say no. Yet, I torture myself by doing something I didn’t want to. Now, whatever I feel like doing I do and wherever I feel like going I go. If I feel like ice cream and chocolate at midnight, that’s what I’ll do. If a friend or family member asks a favor and I don’t want to do it, I’ll say NO.

What have you done for yourself lately?

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